Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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