I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
