i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
