So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
