Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
