So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
