Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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