I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
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i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
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He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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