his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
