I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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