Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
