I heard we made out
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
