seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
