Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
