Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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