i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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