in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize