so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
