just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
