Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
