Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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