..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
