he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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