I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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