I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
