So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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