butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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