Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
