hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
