exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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