Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
