I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
