I must be too annoying 4 u.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
