week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
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Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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