i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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