Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
