I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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