Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The best revenge is premature balding
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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