my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Congratulations! We have a period
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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