Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
