and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He felt like a one man threesome
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
