I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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