i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
