Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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