he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
