She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
