you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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