My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
