His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
