Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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