I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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