Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
