i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
