My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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