you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
