two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
