It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
