I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
