If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
