I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
