New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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