people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
