i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
if only i could text you this smell
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
