all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
