he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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