my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
