just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
