I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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